Keeping It Classy: Four Loko Style

What better way to spend the last Friday of the school year than conducting a Four Loko tasting?  Luckily, I have some super classy friends that were down for the task.  After shamelessly filling up my shopping basket with every Four Loko flavor available, I headed over to get the party started.

Watermelon Flavor
Bright pink liquid met our lips as we all winced at the first taste.  Hoping for a Jolly Rancher flavor, we were met with what one willing participant described as "an intense watermelony attack on my tongue."  With the essence of cheap wine, we took a few more daring tastes before we poured the rest down the drain.  The only food that go well with this flavor would be a couple day old gas station corn dogs.

Fruit Punch Flavor
The aroma and taste of this beauty felt like Punchy came right out and smacked us with a pitcher of Hawaiian Punch.  Much better than the first flavor, yet still a bit too hot pink and crackish for our taste, we gave this one the ole college try.  The fruitiness would be enhanced with some cold fish sticks and a package of uncooked shrimp ramen.

Loko Uva
As if a melted Otter Pop made its way into my glass, this purple Loko was unlike the others.  While I really wanted to like this one, Alexander the Grape is my favorite Otter Pop you know, I just couldn't.  Pungent from sip to swallow, it was unanimous that the only pairing worthy would be that of chipped beef gravy on stale toast.

Margarita Flavor
This was Four Loko's last chance to convince us.  Our bellies warm with malt liquor already, it was hard to tell if this flavor was good, or just the best of the worst.  Either way, it was a bit refreshing to not automatically gag.  The ultimate pairing?  Squeezy cheese and a cheap bag of chips.  Class it up even more with some finely chopped jalapenos.

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